On swimming for your life
Bonus newsletter: Writing advice for mothers, and making sure your Lent link worked!
"Of all the advice I received in my MFA program about how to succeed as a writer, one kernel stands out in my memory. “Don’t have children,” said one of my male professors in one of my first classes…. he assigned John Gardner’s On Becoming a Novelist which offers advice that also excludes mothers—and, indeed, women… “I cannot work on a novel if I do not have long blocks for writing—fifteen hours straight is for me ideal” [he says].
—Yelizaveta P. Renfro, “How to Write Motherhood: Writing Guides for Mothers”
Well, I don’t know the last time I had 15 hours straight to do anything (including sleep, or bathe myself) so, yes, it does give the impression that writing is an exclusive club. We are always fighting for time, bartering for it from our partners, and our children, and ourselves. I’m reading a book right now that is a collection of essays analysing the “motherhood memoir”, and Renfro’s piece was the one I found myself nodding along to.
“In hearing the advice of many experience writers, I have often been left with a feeling that I was being excluded somehow: that either my experiences as a woman were not suitable subjects for literature, or that I was incapable of writing about the great and manly themes that mattered, or that what I wanted—to be a mother and writer— were mutually exclusive, and that by becoming a mother I would be giving up the intellectual life, that my mind would be deadened by a world of Barney and Elmo and the pre articulate jabbering of toddlers, of stupidity brought on by lack of sleep and keeping company with howling babies.”
Scratch “Barney” and replace with “Daniel Tiger” and it sounds about right. All is not hopeless, of course. We don’t have to listen to this terrible writing advice. Renfro circles back later to advice her PhD supervisor (a women, with children) gave her when she enrolled while pregnant. Her advisor didn’t tell her it couldn’t be done. Instead, she gave her support and wisdom:
“Well,” she said, “You will learn to be an efficient worker.” By which she meant— though I couldn’t know it at the time— that during any free moment I had, I would have to plunge right into my work and get it done. No more sipping leisurely cups of coffee, browsing the shelves at Barnes and Nobel for ideas, or the meta-analysis of writing about writing in my journal before doing the actual writing; no more working eight-hour shifts to do four hours of work. It was a matter of jumping in and swimming for my life, even though the water might be freezing.”
Anyone else out there jumping in and swimming for their lives? Whether it’s writing, starting up a side business, or making art, or doing a PhD with kids in tow? It’s crazy, but it’s possible. Let’s cheer each other on.
Lent
So Lent officially started on Wednesday, but I just wanted to check in with you all — if you liked the free week of Lent family devotion cards, you can purchase the whole bundle of 24 for $6.50 by clicking here. It’s just 24 Bible stories, so there’s no real “getting behind” — you can start next week if you want. Purchasing will give you a link to a version formatted to be printed front and back, and a version that scrolls happily away on your phone if getting to a printer is overwhelming. If you did purchase the set, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Let me know what you want to see next time. And if for some reason your link doesn’t work, please let me know!
Tiny house
Mornings look like: Coffee and New York Times on the steps, kids all over the house, drinking tea and spreading crumbs until we get enough caffeine to get them dressed and outside :)
Grateful:
It was quite a milestone sending out my first newsletter this month, and I’m so grateful for the community of people who have already signed up and are sharing their thoughts with me. When you “reply” it goes straight to my inbox, which is super fun.
If you enjoy this, share it!
See you next month!
— Steph